2 days to go

So yesterday was the last day for me to not think about the fact that I'm headed to Greece on Sunday. I woke up early, packed up one suitcase (mostly clothes and a set of sheets) and then did nothing else related to traveling for the rest of the day. I did what I've been doing since November to not think about stressful things: listen to John Mayer. I keep thinking about what albums I'm going to listen to since I have so much time on the flight, but part of me knows that once I'm in the air and panicking about what's going on in my life, I'm going to ignore that mental list and go to my ridiculously large sized collection of Mayer music and try to calm down. I'm relying on him and Anne Rice to make me not FREAK THE FUCK OUT.

But all of that really just means that for the next two days my brain will not be shutting the hell up in the next three days really, because I know that the plane might be the worst. I woke up about an hour ago and was already thinking about the trip. I am seriously terrified. I know that it'll be an amazing experience and that I'm going to have a blast, but right now I'm terrified. I've never been to Europe at all and I'm going without an adult (okay, I recognize that I'm pretty much an adult now but I don't feel like one) and I'm going for 4 months. I've never been away from home for any time like that straight. It isn't like going to Monmouth where I can just head home whenever I want. I know I signed up for this and I really am excited about it too, but I'm worrying. Uselessly, but worrying nonetheless.

I'm also worrying about money. I know it shouldn't matter, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and if I have to spend money to do it, then so be it, but I still am worried about it. I spend a lot of money, I always have. But this will be the first time I've lived on my own really. I have to cook and clean and buy things to do so. I will have to buy real things for pretty much the first time; I can't just spend my money on entertainment type things. I know it'll be good for my spoiled ass, but that doesn't mean it's less stressful. I mean if I screw up practice adulthood I'm just going to be even more freaked out about real life and guess who doesn't need that? This girl.

Whatever. I'm trying to work through the fear. I'll be fine. I'll be better than fine. It'll be a week of freaking out and then however many of awesome.